


Someone I'm Not

by phantomthief_fee



Series: Eternal Stream AU [3]
Category: HLVRAI - Fandom, Half Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware
Genre: Alternate Universe, Amnesia, Eternal Stream AU, Identity Issues, Memory Loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-30
Updated: 2020-07-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:01:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25614781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phantomthief_fee/pseuds/phantomthief_fee
Summary: Reflections by the being known as Benrey after his escape from the computer.
Series: Eternal Stream AU [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1863709
Comments: 8
Kudos: 71
Collections: Eternal Stream HLVRAI AU





	Someone I'm Not

When he wakes up, he’s in a hospital room.

Seeing the pale tile of the ceiling, he wants to cry out of sheer relief. He’s out. He’s finally out. Chester did it! They’re out!

That joy is short-lived, however. 

The doctors and nurses who come in call him by a name he doesn’t recognize. Then some strangers arrive. They cry and hug him and call him by the same name. The name that isn’t his. He knows that these are supposed to be his parents. Or the parents of the person he used to be at least. 

The person who died in that computer.

They seem sad when he doesn’t react to them with joy, when he pulls away and stares at them with wide and terrified eyes. The doctor tells the strangers that he has brain damage, that his memories will likely never return. But that doesn’t stop them from trying. 

They show him photographs, telling him about them like they think it will jog his memory. He recognizes his own face in some of them, but it’s not right. It’s not _**him**_. That’s not **_him_**. 

He’s _Benrey_. He’s not that person anymore. He’s never going to be that person again. That person is dead. That person has been dead for a long time now. But they don’t seem to understand that. Whenever they look at him, he knows they’re seeing someone else.

It gets worse when he gets discharged and his “parents” take him “home”. It’s not his home. He’s put in a room that’s supposed to be his but it’s not right either. Sure, it’s got stuff he likes, including a pretty sweet computer set-up, but it’s not right. It’s not **_his_**. It feels like he’s sleeping in a mausoleum, a monument to someone he can’t be. 

He doesn’t want to be there. He doesn’t want to be around these people. They keep calling him that wrong name. They keep talking about things he doesn’t know or understand and expecting him to get it. He spends a lot of time in “his” room. His “parents” are worried. They try to reach out, but this only makes him draw away more. 

He’d thought he’d be happy to be out of the computer, but somehow it’s like nothing’s changed. They’re like NPC’s that are only reacting to the character he’s supposed to be playing. Except instead of glitching out when he doesn’t behave in the way they’re expecting…They just look sad. Which is worse. 

He starts looking for Chester. Chester will understand. Chester knows him. Knows the him that’s here now. Chester is the only person he wants to be around right now. Chester won’t expect him to be someone he’s not. 

He needs to find Chester. Everything will be alright if he can just find Chester. 

It’s easier than Benrey expected to find Chester. His name and address are all over the news after his whole Twitch fiasco. 

He leaves when he has the house to himself. He’s not left alone all that often. Even when they’re not directly interacting with him, they’re in the house. Something’s happened and they needed to go somewhere. He wasn’t really paying attention when they said where they were going. 

He feels bad that he’s doing this to them. They’re not bad people. He knows that. In fact, they’re actually pretty nice. But they don’t want **_him_**. They want the person they knew before. And he can’t be that. He can’t be their son. He can’t stay with them. 

He leaves a note telling them that. 

Then he packs up the few belongings he feels are really ** _his_** and goes to Chester’s apartment.

He only starts to get nervous when he’s walking up to Chester’s door. What if Chester doesn’t want to see him? What if he gets sent away? He’s come too far to go back now, though. So, he knocks on the door.

The door opens and there Chester is. He looks about the same as he did in-game, which is a little disappointing since Benrey wanted to see Twinkster, but it’s still him. 

It’s _Chester._

Seeing Chester, it’s like a dam has opened. 

Before Chester can ask why Benrey’s there, Benrey has collapsed onto him and started to absolutely bawl. Chester doesn’t ask. He just brings Benrey inside, taking him to the couch and allowing Benrey to curl up and continue to cry.

Benrey cries for a long time, all the emotions he’s bottled up finally boiling over. 

“Are you okay?” Chester asks when Benrey finally stops crying. 

“nah,” Benrey mumbles, keeping his face pressed to Chester’s chest.

“Aren’t you supposed to be with your parents?” Chester asks. “Are they not treating you well?” 

Benrey can hear the concern in his voice, which makes him feel better. He’s feeling better in general, just being near Chester, just being held by him. 

“they’re fine…” Benrey says, shrugging slightly. “i just…” He pauses, instinctively burrowing closer. “still don’t remember anything…don’t know ‘em.”

“Oh…” 

Benrey doesn’t need to explain further. 

“can i….can i stay with you?” Benrey’s voice is small as he grabs handfuls of Chester’s shirt. “don’t…don’t wanna go back there.”

“Sure,” Chester replies without a second thought. 

Benrey smiles to himself. “….thanks.”

“No problem.”

Benrey closes his eyes. Everything will be alright as long as he has Chester. 

Chester understands.

Everything is going to be okay.


End file.
